Nailing Jello To A Tree

Parenting is a lot like trying to nail jell-o to a tree!

Questions I’d Like Answers For…

For many people, there are questions you’ve compiled that you’d like to pose to St. Peter at the Pearly Gates. Me, I’d just like someone to make sense of the following list…

- Why do people say they are a card carrying member of the NRA? What are they going to do with the card? Give me a paper cut? I’m more worried about the 9mm they have stashed in their glove box.

-  When did milk become dangerous to our health? For millennia people have been drinking and using milk. In fact it is such as staple in virtually every country in the world that those who shun milk still go to great lengths to replace it in order to have other basics such as cereal and coffee. Usually replacing it with created, non-naturally occurring concoctions such as soy milk and almond milk. Isn’t it less healthy to eat something created in a lab?

- Why do Facebook users universally hate change? What’s wrong with a new layout? Are these the same people who, upon installing Windows 7, select the appearance setting for “Windows Classic Version”? Would these same people prefer to remain on Windows 3.1 with its grey dialogue boxes and limited images?

- Why do opposites attract? Wouldn’t life be more fun if we each married someone who liked what we like, slept when we slept, etc.? For instance, I like staying up until 11 and 12. I imagine it would be fabulous to snuggle up on the couch or go out at 11 p.m. grocery shopping together, rather than alone. Or for my morning person hubster, wouldn’t he enjoy having me up sipping coffee with him at o’dark 30? (Note, this will not be happening anytime soon!)

- Why do people argue about tomatoes being a fruit? For once, let’s all just agree that no one eats them as a fruit. Horticulturally tomatoes might meet the definition of a fruit, but agriculturally they are used as a vegetable. So why do people argue, disagree, correct, instruct on the fruitiness of tomatoes? Does it make them feel smart?

- Boxers or Briefs? Who cares! Just wear something so I don’t have to see your butt crack. And why must people stand around and endlessly debate the pros and cons of each style? Live and let live, I say. If you love the feeling floating around in the breeze unimpeded by modern briefs, then by all means, float away. If I want to wrap mine up tight in granny-style, belly button covering completeness, isn’t that my choice?

- Why do donuts have holes? Wouldn’t it be nice to enjoy that additional 1 inch space of fried, sugared goodness then to stick with tradition and cut the center out of every donut? And worst of all, why do bakers cut the center out of all their donuts and then attempt to sell it back to me?

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16 thoughts on “Questions I’d Like Answers For…

  1. Well thought out questions. All of those have driven me crazy at some point.

  2. Bravo! So true and it’s about time somebody addressed these questions. Thank you for that and for doing it so well. haha! They do say a paper cut is the most painful cut you can get! But that’s another question for another post. :)

  3. I have never pondered these questions but now I will do nothing but!

    Great post.

  4. When you’re done with these, let me know, i have afew: why cant women put mascara on with their mouth closed? or Whats the difference between partly sunny and partly cloudy ? Now that I think of it, I’m sorta hoping someday you might post something on your method for nailing jello to a tree !

  5. My husband likes arguing about tomatoes in order to be right. Is there no other reason to bring that and the boxer/briefs issue up?

  6. I love this entire post, but especially the first and last points: bullets and donut holes. Thank you for writing this.

  7. I like donuts with holes, it means I can swirl them around on one finger. Can’t do that with a donut with no hole. Hey, but that’s just me (which is as crazy a thing to say as anything else. Really.) ;)

  8. I’ve just realised how old this post is. Whoops! Hopefully you won’t mind the ‘rather late’ reply…

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